Life goes on

Some days I wake up and wonder? "What the fuck?" Can my life really have turned out this way? The only thing I knew for sure was tha I had someone who loved me. That was 25 yrs ago. I suffered through biting poverty and gave it everything I had. now, 2 husbands and what seems like a lifetime later I am not even sure of that. There is no one that loves me. And it scares the crap out of me.